Outside the clinic
Seven rocks. Named. Non-negotiable.
Ben has kept a collection of pet rocks since his youngest daughter gave him one for Father's Day in 2021. He now has seven. They live on a shelf in the study. He is not sure how this happened, but he is at peace with it.
The collection
It started, as most of Ben's more unusual hobbies do, entirely by accident. His youngest daughter — eight at the time — presented him with a smooth grey river stone on Father's Day, with googly eyes glued to it and a name written on the bottom in texta. The name was Gerald.
Gerald sat on the study shelf. A few weeks later, at a beach on the Sunshine Coast, Ben's daughter found another rock she thought Gerald might like for company. The rock was named Patricia. Ben has not asked why. He suspects the reasoning was sound at the time.
The collection has grown slowly but with apparent inevitability. Friends who hear about it occasionally contribute specimens. His daughter continues to be the primary curator and acquisition manager. Ben's role is mostly to agree with suggested names and ensure the rocks are not disturbed during study sessions.
He is aware of how this looks. He is a registered psychologist with fifteen years of clinical experience, a shelf of academic texts, and seven named rocks. He has thought about what this means. He has concluded it means his daughter is excellent and that he finds the whole thing quietly delightful, which is enough.
Gerald has been on the shelf for three years and has never caused a problem. Ben considers him a model housemate.
The full lineup
Seven rocks. Seven names. Zero regrets.
The collection in full, as of the most recent audit. All rocks are present and accounted for. Gerald remains the senior member and is treated accordingly.
Gerald
The original. A smooth grey river stone, medium-sized, with two googly eyes and a dignity that has survived three years on the shelf. Named by Ben's youngest daughter on Father's Day 2021. Seniority respected by all subsequent rocks.
Patricia
Found on a beach at the Sunshine Coast several weeks after Gerald's arrival. Slightly rounder, slightly lighter in colour. Named without explanation. Patricia and Gerald appear to get along well, which Ben has decided means something.
Dave
A dark basalt specimen contributed by a colleague who heard about the collection and thought it needed "a bit more grit." Dave is the largest rock on the shelf and has a slightly intimidating presence that the other rocks seem to respect.
Margot
A pale, almost white quartz pebble that Ben's daughter found in the backyard and declared "too pretty to be outside." She is correct. Margot is the most visually refined member of the collection and knows it.
Steve
Gifted by a client who heard about the collection, left anonymously on the reception desk with a Post-it note that said only "Steve." Ben has honoured this completely. Steve's backstory remains unknown and he is all the more interesting for it.
Brenda
A speckled sandstone oval that arrived in a box of second-hand books Ben bought at a garage sale. She was simply there, between a dog-eared copy of The Road and a Reader's Digest from 1987. The name came to Ben immediately. He has no further explanation.
The New One
Acquired last month. Name pending. Ben's daughter is deliberating. The rock is being patient about it, which Ben finds admirable. A formal naming ceremony is expected sometime in the coming weeks.
A serious investigation
The geological record. Such as it is.
Ben's daughter named the rocks. Ben, after approximately eighteen months of cohabitation with them, felt it was important to understand what they actually were. He looked into it. He used a loupe. He borrowed a field guide from a friend who is a geologist and who did not ask why. What follows is a complete geological assessment of seven rocks that live on a shelf in Brisbane and have googly eyes.
Grey River Basalt
Smooth, dense, and essentially indestructible at room temperature. Ben considers this appropriate for the founding member of any collection. Gerald has been around for millions of years and will outlast everything in the study, including the books.
Rounded Granite Pebble
Granite is formed deep in the earth's crust under enormous pressure and heat, then slowly exposed by millions of years of erosion. Patricia has been through a great deal to get to this shelf. Ben finds her composure understandable.
Dark Basalt, Coarse-grained
Dave is the largest and heaviest rock in the collection. His colleague said he had "more grit" than the others. This is, geologically, not quite how grit works — but the point stands. Dave has presence. The field guide listed his composition as "complex."
Milky Quartz Pebble
Pure white quartz with a milky translucency caused by tiny fluid inclusions trapped during crystallisation hundreds of millions of years ago. Margot is the hardest rock on the shelf. Ben's daughter declared her "too pretty to be outside." Geologically, this is the correct call.
Unidentified Fine-grained Dark Rock
Steve's geological identity remains uncertain, which Ben considers appropriate for a rock that arrived with no explanation and only a Post-it note bearing his name. The field guide was not definitive. Ben has made peace with the ambiguity. Steve seems fine with it.
Speckled Ferruginous Sandstone
Sandstone is formed from compressed sediment — ancient beaches, riverbeds, dunes — cemented over millions of years. The orange-brown speckling indicates iron oxide content. Brenda has been accumulating layers since the Triassic. She is, relatively speaking, the most well-read rock in the collection.
Geological Assessment: Pending
Ben will not perform a geological assessment on a rock that has not yet been named. This feels premature. The naming ceremony is expected soon. The assessment will follow. He has already located the loupe.
People pay a lot of money to be reminded that some things don't need to do anything, don't need to improve, and don't need to justify their place on the shelf. Gerald figured that out immediately. I've been catching up ever since.
Here for the therapy, not the rocks.
Gerald is not taking appointments. The psychology practice very much is.